


Licking Old Wounds

by NancyHartigan



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Book 3: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, M/M, Mostly for the First Wizarding War, One Shot, Past Relationship(s), Spoilers, implied PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-16
Updated: 2020-01-16
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:54:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22275913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NancyHartigan/pseuds/NancyHartigan
Summary: Throughout his life, Remus Lupin had gathered quite a few scars. Sirius Black has left quite a few of them himself, and has never once accepted the responsibility of it.But Remus has left quite a few of them on the Azkaban escapee himself, and it was about time to prove he had been sorted into Gryffindor for a reason.A somewhat sequel to Dog Fight, but can be read separately.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	Licking Old Wounds

**Author's Note:**

  * For [KatrineH](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KatrineH/gifts).



> After being asked for an added scene for Dog Fight quite nicely, I decided to go ahead and do it. I made sure to make sure that any plot points mentioned in Dog Fight were explained decently enough that you can read this one separately, though. Hope you guys enjoy it!

Between Harry’s private lessons, an upcoming full moon, and a million other things, the Marauders Map lay half-forgotten among the books in the office of one Remus Lupin. It could easily be forgiven, what with everything going on. He only found it two nights ago, after all.

Sirius had some balls trying to get into Gryffindor Tower and causing a ruckus on Halloween of all days, when Remus only got through the day because sitting across from Harry felt so much like talking to James again. It was a good thing as well, because had it not been for tea with Harry, he would have likely fallen into a terrible state of mind and likely would not have been fit for teaching anything. Hell, one could make a valid argument that Remus had been left a bit shaken when Sirius had decided that he’d replace Harry’s broken broom for Christmas, and even worse still was coming face to face with the man himself in his old favorite study spot. Remus couldn’t begin to imagine what poor James went through in his last moments – seeing Sirius in that room was dreadful, very much like someone had come into his home to terrorize him; James had a man bent on ending the life of everyone inside that night. With Lily inside with his son, James very likely felt he had no choice but to stand his ground, knowing full well what was coming and who it was that sealed his family’s fate.

He supposed that out of the four of them, Sirius and James had always been the most Gryffindoric, if that was the word.

What exactly had he been trying to prove with that display, Remus couldn’t help but wonder. As powerful as Sirius had been once, years in Azkaban very clearly took their toll on both his body and mind, and Remus would like to believe that he was still well in his prime. A little bit self-consciously, he reached up to his neck to rub the same spot he has been rubbing for a few days now. Whether he meant to or not, the damned madman had left quite the mark when he had bitten him.

Not quite a love bite, he supposed, because that implied things that Remus knew very well Sirius very simply couldn’t feel, despite the implication that Remus was second only to Harry on people that he was the least likely to hurt. More like an old battle scar that had been reopened, another manipulative tactic that he no doubt was using to attempt to get an ally on the inside. He had to explain quite a few times to his old head of house that it wasn’t what she thought, and he was a thousand percent sure that Dumbledore was very merely politely ignoring the way it stuck out of the collar of his shirt. And please don’t get him started on Severus; Severus has been practically breathing down his neck the second that the news of Sirius’ arrival came. Remus didn’t have the time nor the breath to explain how many times he tried to explain to Severus that he was quite through with Sirius, he was very sure, and no, he wasn’t going to change his mind if Sirius showed his face.

Screw this entire situation. Remus wanted no part of this. Leave it to Sirius Black to decide to just walk back into their lives and complicate anything and everything, pretending that he was absolutely in the right.

Remus collapsed in his chair with a sigh, loosening his tie slightly. “I swear if that man inherited anything from his mother…” he trailed off, forcing his mind not to make that comparison. As angry as he was, there was no reason to voice something so hurtful.

It didn’t make it any less true, but still.

His hand found the map easily, and he used the wrong spell purposefully, just to see what his old friends would have to say. It didn’t matter if it came back insults, he just wanted to miss them a little less.

Four distinctive handwritings scrawled over the front, as if the ghosts of who they all were was right in front of him.

_What are you doing Moony?  
Just use the right incantation if you’re alone.  
None of us believe you, Moony. Use your words.  
I solemnly swear…_

Remus chuckled a little to himself as he watched everyone get confused by the action. They truly did think of everything except for the idea that one day, this map could be used against them. He supposed none of them had ever been good with Divination, so none of them could ever foresee the day Padfoot would turn his back on the three of them.

Merlin did he wish that for even a minute, he could go back in time and just enjoy the time that they had together for a little while longer. If he could, he’d likely have stayed up a few extra nights to try to decode the Every Flavored Beans that Peter had strewn about the Common Room table. He’d have not rolled his eyes every time James swooned over Lily, and he’d likely not have used a Silence Charm to get that extra twenty minutes of cramming finished – it wore out, anyway, James was terrible about shutting up, but Remus was sure if he could go back in time, he’d listen to every single word, knowing that those were the memories of James that made him strike up his own personal friendship with Lily, who he would have spent far less time studying with and more time talking about the things that mattered.

Would he have left his defenses up around Sirius, though? Would it have even mattered if he had? He didn’t have a ghost of a clue how it had gone from Sirius holding his books high over his head and making him reach for them to cutting classes so that he could taste those lips for just a little longer in the first place.

Back then, he couldn’t even blame the loneliness. He had his parents, he had his friends, it was just a matter of who he had thought would always be at his side, some glimmer of hope as the war crept on to their doorstep.

Briefly, he let his mind go to Regulus. Sirius had to find out about his brother’s disappearance from the Order, and Remus knew for certain that he was never found, much like Peter. He supposed that it wouldn’t have surprised Remus if the price Sirius paid to get answers had been everybody else’s lives, but he certainly never remembered Sirius ever being too close to his brother, just a harsh resentment. Nevertheless, blood had a way to sway your choices, and Sirius was never one to appreciate the unknown for as long as he knew him. Perhaps, if he could, Remus might go back in time to give Sirius the answers that he never got, and that could have saved everyone’s lives that night.

Speculation, he knew, solved absolutely nothing, but that has been all he had for the last third of his life.

“I solemnly swear,” Remus said to himself, wand gently tapping on the parchment, considering what exactly he was looking for – Sirius, truthfully, but what else was he going to see? “…that I’m up to no good.”

As he watched the castle come to life before his very eyes, he noticed that the castle was starting to empty out quite a bit. Oh, that was right, there was a Quidditch match that was going to happen. If it weren’t for the fact that a full moon was going to rise tonight, he’d have made his plans to go cheer on Harry, as he had gone and done for James so many times when he was younger and his biggest problem had been if a full moon fell within the two weeks of the OWL exams. There was no doubt in his mind that Sirius was very likely going to make his way to the pitch so that he could enjoy the show, and he likely needed to stop him before he had the opportunity.

Briefly, Remus looked for Harry’s name to see how much time he had left. It seemed that Harry was standing on the ground floor speaking to Ron and Hermione. There was a fourth name there that made Remus have a double take.

Wait a fucking minute here. He knew that name, no matter how tiny the script was.

“Mischief managed,” Remus said after staring at the name for a few seconds, wondering what in the world was going on here.

Just like that, the map went blank, but Remus’ mind did not. Didn’t Gideon and Fabian’s youngest nephew have a pet rat?

Wasn’t that rat missing a toe?

Remus slumped forward on his desk, head in his hands, the heels digging into his eyes a little. Sirius could smell him here. Of course he did. How in the hell did he not see it sooner?

Oh, he wanted to go downstairs and very simply _throttle_ that traitor. The real one, the one that he had spent every Halloween for twelve years _grieving_ alongside the friends that truly deserved the time he spent mourning them.

Not Sirius, though. He never took even a moment to grieve Sirius. As suspicion had risen once upon a time, he had so easily bought the story that the Ministry had sold the world. He had ignored his father’s owls to come home out of the pure shame of the association with Sirius.

The person that needed him by his side more than ever, he had turned his back on. What a terrible excuse of a man that he had become, much less a terrible friend of any sort. He had no idea how Sirius was going to forgive him for this.

It was high time he swallowed his own pride and faced the music to Sirius, he supposed. Without a second thought, Remus stood, grabbed his coat, and headed out. He of course took the time to wish Harry luck, trying distinctly not to look at Ron, and immediately headed toward the Whomping Willow, which already seemed to be stunned.

“Sirius?” Remus called out, not too surprised when a large, black dog poked its head out of the underbrush, followed by a ginger cat.

Sirius transfigured himself back, and Remus crossed the few steps toward him before he put up his hand.

“We’ll talk later,” Sirius promised. “I need to get to the pitch before I lose the scent trail.”

“I know about Peter,” Remus told him. “I’m so sorry, Padfoot.”

Sirius kept moving, but he did offer Rems a small smile and captured Remus’ pointer finger with his own briefly. “Glad to know your head’s on straight now, but I really have to go, we’ll talk before dusk, I promise.”

“I’m heading over right now. I’ll see you in a minute.”

“Looking forward to it, let’s end this.”

“Together?”

"Together," Sirius called back, his animal form taking over just in time to chase the cat out of the forest's edge.

Remus dropped through into the passageway, making haste toward the Shrieking Shack. It was kind of funny in a morbid sort of way – their friendship had begun in that little “haunted” house that Dumbledore had commissioned so long ago, and tonight, the very same friendship would end one way or another.

He had no idea what was going to become of “them,” but certainly Peter deserved every bit of the vitriol Sirius had been given some nights before.

More so, in some ways. Remus was quite alright with this, the Beast has been calling for blood all his life.


End file.
